THERE IS NORMAL! Normal is not needing a bunch of accomidations just to finish high school or have exceptions made to get an associates. Normal is being able to walk into a new store alone instead of sitting in a parking lot and never walking in. Normal is being able to walk into your dance teachers party without waiting thirty minutes for a classmate to drive in and walk in first. Normal is being able to go to college and be in a dorm or an apartment with another human being. Normal is not needing a single room every time you go to sleep away camp. Normal is not getting in a fight almost every time you go to camp. Normal is not having your friends parent almost call the police on you several times when you are only six or seven years old. Normal is being able to go places and do things with out needing a bunch of accomidations or worrying about stupid little shit. Normal is not getting upset at a summer camp over something tiny and stupid and threatening to go sleep in a bathroom because of a flashlight and a bit of noise. Normal is not needing to find ways to doge a bunch of obstacles and jump through a ton of hoops to take a different math class. Normal isn't having to make sue you know the closest familiar pharmacy that carries your medicine. Normal is not having a freak out every time a schedual changes or you don't know exactly what is going to happen. Normal is not needing to double check every tiny thing before you go. Normal is not hiding your sleeping pill in a sock on a choir trip. Normal is not worrying about whether being in a room with someone else is going to cause you to explode and wind up in jail with an assult charge. Normal is not freaking out over a simple change. Normal is being able to talk to someone. Normal is not needing someone with you to keep you from panicing in unfamiliar places. Normal is being able to get your oil changed without dragging your dad because you are worried about driving up and waiting for a fucking door to open! Okay that is normal. I am not normal. And it cost money. And it complicates life...not just mine but my parents too. It hurts me because I feel like I can't do anything. My fear and anxiety keeps me from living life. It keeps me from having a normal life. It keeps me from getting involved in clubs and fun things or finding new stores or hanging with friends or anything that requires me to leave my home. Every time I turn around. It screws something up. And I hate that. I'm crying a waterfall because I hate it so damn much. For once I want to be able to do something and not worry. I want to not need to be overprepared and know every detail. I want to just go with the flow and enjoy something and I can't/ I can't truly enjoy anything..
and you know what else is normal. Normal is not needing a 504 in order to do well in school. Normal is not needing medicine to somewhat function. Not even fully function in society...Just somewhat function. Normal is not having a break down because the sound that happens when your hair brush hits a door or because there is a piece of paper in the middle of the floor. Normal is being able to confront someone with out sobbing like a stupid child. Normal is being able to argue without crying or have an adult yell at them with out feeling tears. Normal is not having to face a corner and attempt to breathe through tears in the middle of a dance class. okay.
