As I lay here shaking and weak I start to think about recent events. It all looks like a jumbled mess of lines. I wonder how it got that way. How someone like me got this way. There is no one answer though.
I realize that nothing makes sense; the puzzle pieces don't fit together. There are so many contradictions. For someone like me with a need for everything to make sense, it's torture. The hypocrisy of my words and actions. One day I am one person...the next day I am someone else. I have less anxiety now, but when it came to presenting my project in English....I just said no..Didn't say why. I've done plenty of presentations. Ones I prepared for like crazy and ones I put together in the last ten seconds. I want to die...but then I say I don't want to. I love him...but i keep pushing him away. Somehow it has to make sense....but right now, I don't know how.
I realize that nothing makes sense; the puzzle pieces don't fit together. There are so many contradictions. For someone like me with a need for everything to make sense, it's torture. The hypocrisy of my words and actions. One day I am one person...the next day I am someone else. I have less anxiety now, but when it came to presenting my project in English....I just said no..Didn't say why. I've done plenty of presentations. Ones I prepared for like crazy and ones I put together in the last ten seconds. I want to die...but then I say I don't want to. I love him...but i keep pushing him away. Somehow it has to make sense....but right now, I don't know how.
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